What’s up with people learning to drive these days. When I was growing up we had to take 2 months worth of driving lessons from a trained professional (usually a football coach making extra money for the summer) but still we learned how to drive. What’s up with people these days? Are they getting their license out of a box of cracker jacks or what?

First lesson will be merging onto a freeway. You don’t merge at 45 miles an hour asswipe! People wonder why traffic is backed up and going slow, well wonder no more. It’s because some putz monkey doesn’t understand that when he merges at 45 miles an hour then everyone has to slow down causing everyone else to have to slow down. Here’s a surefire way to make sure that doesn’t happen. If the speed limit of said highway is 60 miles per hour then punch the accelerator (it’s the skinny one on the right) and be doing 60 when you merge. Don’t be scared just punch it and merge. You’ll find that people are much more willing to let you merge when you are going the same speed as them than when you’re trying to merge your stupid ass at 45 miles and hour. Doesn’t matter if your old with blue hair or young or foreign, get the lead out and merge.

The celebrity craze is so out of control, it’s unbelievable. The fact that some idiot like Perez Hilton has a television show now, shows how out of control it really has become. What is it about their lives that you just can’t get enough and spend hours every day reading, watching, or any of number of ways to get your fix. I don’t get it. Is your life such a complete bore that you want to live your dreams and fantasies through these people? Should I give two shits that this famous jerk is dating this famous whore? Do I need to know Lindsey Lohan was stumbling drunk out of some fancy nightclub? Do I care that Britney Spears showed how completely talentless she really is on the VMA’s? Hell no! Do something interesting with your own lives and you’ll realize how completely retarded this is.

Now, OJ is in the news for an alleged armed robbery and has had way too much media coverage. Did you hear anything about the armed robbery suspect shot to death in Las Vegas a few days ago? Absolutely not if you live outside of Vegas. How could this be? Because you don’t give a fuck. That’s how. If it had been OJ then you bet your ass it would’ve been the top story on every paper, magazine, news channel or any other form of media and would’ve been non-stop until you idiots lost interest.

You live your paycheck-to-paycheck lives struggling to make ends meet while these people have the world at their feet. I understand wanting to be entertained and thinking about something other than how your life sucks but this isn’t the way to go about it. Do something generous for someone worse off than you and I guarantee you’ll feel more delighted and entertained than you could ever be trying to keep up with who wore what at some completely retarded, self-serving awards show.

As a young fella growing up in America I played baseball as most young boys used to. My buddy has a young boy and a couple nephews that are playing baseball. I tag along to some of the games and can’t help but wonder where all the talent has gone. Most teams have one or two kids that carry the team and the rest shouldn’t even be allowed on the field. It’s sad that in this country we have allowed this to happen. Idiot parents with a talentless kid think their kid should be allowed to play right alongside those with true talent.

I understand giving everyone a chance to see what they have but it isn’t hard to see from the get go who has it and who doesn’t. One season of teeball is more than enough time to see your kid sucks. “Look at little Timmy! Isn’t he so cute! He always runs to third base first. He’s going to be the greatest of all time!” Wrong jackass! Your son sucks and is probably mildly retarded. Keep him in his room where he won’t hurt himself or anyone else. Maybe he’ll grow up and realize you are the reason his life sucks and stab you in the face.

There is a very good reason why most of the best professionals today are from other countries and that will continue to be the case unless you parents get your head out of your asses and realize your kid sucks. Let little Timmy do what he wants. He knows he’s the worst player because the other players won’t let him forget it. Don’t make it worse for him just because you want to live your life through him. He sucks just like you did as a kid and nothing is going to change that fact. Get over it.

Baseball today is by far the most boring sport in this country. I never thought I would say it with golf out there but it has happened. I fall asleep watching golf but I have seizures and fall into a coma watching baseball these days. The only thing that brings me out of a coma is hearing a voice speaking nine hundred miles and hour at the end of the game and not being able to understand a single word of it. Foreign players have taken over the game and you can blame yourself for that. Stop making your idiot kids play a sport they hate. Less retards on the field makes it far more competitive for the ones who know and love the game.

TMZ is reporting Britney is back in rehab.

“TMZ has learned Britney Spears is back in rehab. Sources say the singer has checked into an in-patient facility in Los Angeles. We’re told the move came after family members, including her mom, pressed her to check in.”

First of all, she is far from being a singer. Second, why is everyone so enamored with this slore? She can’t help it, it’s just the way her momma raised her. You fags should be happy she still has teeth and sometimes wears shoes. She can’t sing, now she’s fugly and she should just go away. Take her millions and move back to Lu-zee-anna, buy a big farm house and await her death. Meth would help speed the process so please, by all means gorge yourself!

Well, well, well. Look who left the back door open up in this mother fucker. Hello kiddies. My name is Malice and I come to you direct from seventh level of hell, a.K.a. MaliceCentralDotCom. I was pleased to be informed that I will soon be in the company of one Pope John Paul II. I can only wish that some day he might be so gracious to accept a dinner invite to my oh so humble Forteresse De Le M�chancet� I have on reserve to be filled upon my passing. Why!?, you ask will the good mans’ twenty six year papacy be rewarded by being my next door neighbor in the bowels of hell for all of eternity? He’s Polish [moron]! For those of you who know who I am, you’ll know why I’m here. It seems my depiction of the writer off this site, that being “A Not So Angry White Man”, was spot on. You know I had my crack staff of researchers look up the word Foul and this is what they discovered; foul Pronunciation Key (foul) adj. foul�er, foul�est

	1.	Offensive to the senses; revolting.
	2.	Having an offensive odor; smelly.
	3.	Rotten or putrid: foul meat.
	4.
		a. Full of dirt or mud; dirty. See Synonyms at dirty.
		b. Full of impurities; polluted: foul air.
	5.	Morally detestable; wicked: foul deeds.
	6.	Of a vulgar or obscene nature: foul language.
	7.	Very disagreeable or displeasing; horrid: a foul movie.
	8.	Bad or unfavorable: in fair weather or foul.
	9.	Violating accepted standards or rules; dishonorable: used foul means to gain power.
	10.	Entangled or twisted: a foul anchor.
	11.	Archaic. Ugly; unattractive.

As odd as it might seem I didn’t happen to find a definition stating “Shitty little hand held wastes of time” or “The foundation for people who actually give a shit about Condoleezza Rice and her gap toothed ass”. You could have hit a home run with the whole Terri Schiavo thing but alas, you’ve gone softer than baby shit. I’m here to put the “Foul” back in FoulMood. May I? Let’s begin… Read the rest of this entry »

A senator from Alaska, Ted Stevens, is in the news pushing for decency standards on cable and satellite broadcasts. Basically he wants to be able to fine shows such as those on HBO that are too racy for his liking. Even though we pay for those channels and we know what are on those channels when we buy them to bring into our homes, he thinks(I say he, it’s most likely someone paying him to say these things such as Clear Channel) they should still be scrutinized as if they were the open airwaves. To get this to happen, the First Amendment will have to be thrown out the window and carried away with the wind. If that actually does happen, we might as well be living in pre-war Iraq. At some point this shit has to stop so we can move forward as a country instead of trying to go back to the days of England. That’s right, we left England because we were rebels that wanted to do things our own way. If these dick heads don’t like it we should pack their asses up and send them back. Way too many aspects of this country have been moving backwards lately and eventually it’s going to catch up with us.

I can’t stand you religious fucks that have nothing better to do than push your agenda on someone else. If you want to be an uptight asshole that can’t go to the beach because you might see a hot chick in a bikini, that’s your right but don’t push your bullshit on every other person in this country so we have to be just as miserable as you. If you are tired of the bullshit check out StopFCC and sign the petition.

I guarantee you I get some emails regarding this post by some religious pricks with nothing better to do with their time than bug me. Damn hypocrites what are you doing here in the first place? Don’t like the channel? Change it asswipe. If you do decide to email me, rest assured the content of your emails will be placed on this site for others enjoyment. If I particularly dislike you then your contact info will also be placed for others to abuse you just like you have me. Just a friendly warning. Take heed jackass.

In other despicable news, our friend Charlie Sheen is getting divorced from his pregnant wife Denise Richards. He made it through the first pregnancy when she wasn’t putting out but the second proved too difficult. Women, just because you are pregnant, we are still horny. Deal with it or your ass will be left like the used condoms in our mistresses trashcan.

Would someone please kill the Pope? I’m tired of seeing his old, twitching ass on the news every damn day. Morning news: Pope hospitalized. Midday news: Pope back at Vatican. Nightly news: Pope shit himself… again. Who the fuck cares? Get the fuck out, your time has passed. Let some other jackass wear the dunce hat for the next four hundred billion years. Move the fuck on.

Even Michael Jordan didn’t take it this far and he was actually good at what he did. Didn’t see his subordinates molesting little boys did you? Honestly I could care less what he does but please take his shaking mug off the damn news. Same thing goes for those flamboyant fags that live in a castle in England. I care not if the queen attends her son’s wedding. Get that shit off my TV you fucks.

The Oscars could not have been more predictable and boring. Jamie Foxx wins best actor for Ray? You don’t say? I never saw it coming. Not the tears, his mention of Grandma or the “holy shit I’m a grown man trying not to cry on national television” lip bite. I like Jamie, don’t get me wrong, but somebody needs to grow a pair. Didn’t see Morgan Freeman trying to hold back tears did you? Fuck no, that’s how real men handle themselves mamma’s boy! I guess it’s actually Grandma’s boy. I bet his parents are kicking themselves in the ass right about now for giving up a million dollar baby(pun).

Damn Scarlett Johansson is fine. When they had her on during the red carpet shit, if I wasn’t at work, I might have been punching the monkey. Yummy! Halle Berry also looked much better than I remember seeing recently. What the hell happened to Renee Zellweger? She looked better blond with thirty extra pounds wearing granny panties. I certainly hope that look is for a part she’s currently working on. If not, the next time we see her she’ll be sporting a choker, nerdy glasses, facial piercings and telling us about her awesome blog she started on livejournal. Emo4life!!11@!

Why all the fuss over smoking these days? Yes it is bad for your health but isn’t just about everything else in this god for saken place we call earth. Whatever happened to all the great movie stars that smoked back in the day? It was a great time and all of those movies are better because someone was smoking in them.

Nowadays, everyone is up in arms when they see someone on screen, or off screen, smoking a damn cigarette. Smoking pot, snorting coke, smoking crack, drinking alcohol or gang raping a hooker is just fine but these fruits seem to think as soon as teens see someone smoking, they immediately raid their mom’s purse for a cool ciggy. Just doesn’t happen that way idiots.

Why do these teens not do all the rest of this taboo stuff they see on screen? They do but no one seems to be very worried about that issue. Simply doing a search on Google for “smoking teens movie stars” and “drugs teens movie stars” will show you exactly what I’m talking about. No one gives a shit about the movie stars that simulate doing drugs on screen, yet there is ninety gazillion websites talking about teens smoking because they saw it on screen.

I’ll be grateful when all of the Bible belt old farts shrivel up and die. Then this country can get back to being a great, free to do as we please place once again. It was all fine and dandy when they were young but now that they face death in the not too distant future, they think someone should warn us of our impending doom I guess. Hurry up and die!

In conclusion, cigarettes stink, kill you, are bad for others and I love them so shut up. I hope you live to be 200 years old so you can be the oldest, most miserable person ever, which is obviously what everyone in this country is trying to accomplish. Quit being afraid of death dorks. It’s going to get you sooner or later so why not live a fun life while you’re here instead of limiting yourself so much so that you hate life and want to fuck with anyone else who looks like they may be having fun.