What’s up with people learning to drive these days. When I was growing up we had to take 2 months worth of driving lessons from a trained professional (usually a football coach making extra money for the summer) but still we learned how to drive. What’s up with people these days? Are they getting their license out of a box of cracker jacks or what?

First lesson will be merging onto a freeway. You don’t merge at 45 miles an hour asswipe! People wonder why traffic is backed up and going slow, well wonder no more. It’s because some putz monkey doesn’t understand that when he merges at 45 miles an hour then everyone has to slow down causing everyone else to have to slow down. Here’s a surefire way to make sure that doesn’t happen. If the speed limit of said highway is 60 miles per hour then punch the accelerator (it’s the skinny one on the right) and be doing 60 when you merge. Don’t be scared just punch it and merge. You’ll find that people are much more willing to let you merge when you are going the same speed as them than when you’re trying to merge your stupid ass at 45 miles and hour. Doesn’t matter if your old with blue hair or young or foreign, get the lead out and merge.

Hello folks. Welcome to the Journal. I wanted to talk about this topic because I thought it was funny when I talked about it on the show, but I didn’t have enough time to cover it. So I decided that today would be a good time to go there.

Yes prom, it is that time in life where just about anything can happen. The first time for many people regarding many different things. Sex, drugs, booze, you name it, it can happen here at prom. I believe that prom is a challenging event and here to give you some special survival tips is your good friend Michael Jae.

Find the right person to go with

Yes this is very important because in order to have a fun time. So in order to achieve this, you need to find someone fun, someone interesting, and someone who doesn’t want to talk to their damn girlfriends all night long. The thing is this is a special night, and when you get some little bitchy bitch who wants to gab all night with her girlfriends about what this person is wearing, and how that nail polish looks, it kinds of spoils the mood for the prom, and events to hopefully follow.

Get your own transportation to the Prom

I have heard from many high school students that many schools are telling students to take a bus from the high school to the hotel/banquet hall that is hosting the event. This is bullshit. First off, I do believe high school students are responsible enough to find their way to the prom. What’s more? This is an event where schools are bringing the transition from child to adult. It is a black tie affair. It is a social gathering. If a student is going to a charity event, should they get on the bus from the headquarters of the charity? Of course not. This is my opinion is all about the molding and shaping of young minds to become part of the machine known as conformity. Don’t ask questions; be a follower not a leader unless you want trouble. I remember a story a couple years back about a couple who was going to be in the school play in Algonquin, and wanted to go to prom afterwards. The school tried to stop them from going since they couldn’t get on the bus, but eventually protests from parents and media attention got them to change their minds.

MJ

Hello and welcome to the Journal. I’m your good friend Michael Jae. As many have heard this past week, Jennifer Wilbanks had a case of cold feet or possibly as she said “running away from fears controlling her life.” She created a prank that she was kidnapped so she could avoid marrying John Mason, who in my opinion is the biggest dumb fuck this side of the moon. But the people who are dumber than him are the ones who believe she had some kind of “fear” controlling her life. He had an excuse, he was pussy-whipped.

Yes, we were all subjected to all the nice little interviews that took place with John Mason this week. “I love her, and I still want to marry her.” Jesus, come on. This woman made you look like the biggest clown in the circus called life, and you are willing to take her back. Obviously you didn’t get much attention from women in high school, or you just have self-esteem as low as the Grand Canyon will go. She doesn’t want a marriage although now she says she does. She is just under a very judgmental public microscope now, so she should try to do as much damage control as possible. Probably six months from now, she is going to straddle your dad, Mr. Mason, in his work shed, while you’re baking cup cakes in the house for the kids.

But aside from that, I can’t believe the lengths people will go to hide their true feelings. What happened to talking about things in this P.C. infested society we live in now? If Ms. Wilbanks had any kind of second thoughts about marrying Mason, maybe she should of did the less expensive thing. Umm… talk to him about it; yeah that’s the ticket. Then there could have been a remote chance you could have saved the man you love the embarrassment let alone the taxpayer’s money when they launched that man hunt to find you. You stupid bitch! Yes, maybe say, “John, I am going to leave you” or “ I am having second thoughts about my marriage,” or the ever popular “let’s get marriage counseling.”

This case pisses me off not because of the whole manhunt thing, and that she said she was kidnapped, but because what happened to being honest with people? Last week in the Journal, I talked about a woman named Alicia Harden who wrote letters filled with racial slurs and threats against minorities throughout a nice little campus located in Deerfield spreading lots of fear and media exposure all for what? All because she didn’t want to go to the school anymore. She never made it clear to her parents, she never told anyone. Let’s just pull this prank and I can leave because my stupid, naïve, parents will take me out of school for fear of my safety. I don’t care who I hurt or scare in the process. Just as long as I get my way.

Ola my fellow Americans welcome to the Journal and of course my name is Michael Jae.

In Deerfield this past week, 19 year old black woman Alicia Harden was arrested for writing hate letters to minority students saying that she was going to kill them and other great stuff. She did this all in the name of getting out of Trinity University. I thought maybe doing too many drugs, crashing a car through the building, or just the normal sitting down and talking to your parents about your feelings would do, but hey, what do I know? By passing these letters around, she could tell her parents that she was scared because her peers were being targeted, and they would take her out of the school. Apparently during an interrogation, Harden confessed and there really was no stink about it except concern and worry. Yet, imagine if Harden was white. Do you think the outcome would be the same?

If Harden were white, we would see everyone’s favorite media ho Jesse Jackson run to Deerfield and demand that swift justice would be passed down. We would see the media make a circus out of this event, and then we would see so many people who work at Trinity making a special case to be nice to minorities. Well I say screw that shit. Minorities should be treated as equals to white. By the way, why are they even called minorities? By saying that, are we labeling them a “minor cause to help build a major society?”

Many people want to talk about the differences between blacks and whites on a daily basis, and people say racism still exists. Especially black people. However, I think that black people feel racism still exists not because people are saying the N word here and there. I think they feel like many white people coddle them in order to say “everything is OK. We are your friends. We are here to help.” The truth of the matter is there are some white people out there that are racist, but at the same time there are black people who are racist as well.

Racism is a fact of life we must deal with. But the heart of racism lies in the minds of bitter, ignorant, men and women who do not want to see past the lines and truly wish to treat people equally. Although there are many problems with this, I believe the media plays one of the biggest parts in dividing black and white. This became clear to me during the O.J. trial. The news was constantly talking about how this trial was cracking the relations between blacks and whites, and I thought that was bullshit. I am sure for every black man who wanted to see O.J. go free, there were three to four white people who agreed and vice versa. The media was bored so they wanted to create a story that wasn’t there. They wanted to raise questions that did not need to be answered at the time. The only important thing was O.J. Simpson, guilty or innocent. When the verdict was announced, the cameras went to South Central L.A. to show a black community center celebrating it, while we saw downtown the whites were disturbed. This was a case of a man standing trial for murder, no matter what color his skin was. A man who was accused of murdering his wife. Yeah, she was white, but that has nothing to do with it because guess what? When she was killed, she bled red. A color that blacks and whites squirt out of their skin if they get stabbed. Many times in the news, you will see black people get blamed for crimes that turn out white people commit. You want to call me a black lover, go ahead. I am not standing up for black people; I am just telling it like it is. I am proud to be a white Italian, Irish, American. I am grateful to be a white male because I do not have to fight the fights that women and minorities have to fight.

There are so many stereotypes out there about black people as there are about white. I think that treating blacks special because they are black is reverse racism. Many people complain about the way black shows only have black people in them, and the white people are always morons on the show. Yeah, well look at some of the white shows. In Soap, the butler was black. In WKRP, the black man was into soul. It is because the corporate heads of programming are targeting shows at specific demographics. The media makes more of a division between races than anyone. What people need to do is understand it is entertainment, and not try to analyze it so much. We may be different people who are into different things, but we come from different cultures that allow us to enjoy these things.

White people need to understand that black people have a bigger cross to bear due to the fact they have overcome so much more than white people did, and that was something they did not choose. They were the so-called “black sheep” of humanity for many years and have risen above that to have achieved great things. I don’t know if it was because whites back in the day thought blacks were aliens, but everyone was so scared of them back then. So they had to fight like hell to get to higher ground. Many people say black people tend to stick together in groups when they work together. Well why not? They can relate. Just like many white people of different nationalities hang together as well. People relate to each other culturally and socially. That is who they are more comfortable with. Yet, in life remember there are white assholes and black assholes. People are people. And that is all there is to it.

And there are more divisions and lines drawn out by people, but in reality there is one social line that sucks. The rich and the poor. The rich step on the poor, and poverty knows no color. Racism is an enemy that can be debated and although it may play a part in our lives, it is people like the corporations, the government, the people who believe they know what is best for humanity that are really screwing life up. George W Bush went to war based on a hunch that turned out to be wrong. And thanks to that, many black and white soldiers in Iraq died for that. He wants to eliminate social security and now has hired on a U.N. Ambassador who wants to reform the U.N. This is a problem that the people in control see all us white people, black people, Latinos, Muslims, Indians, whatever as numbers. As votes, as just victims that they can manipulate with stupid shit like this race war shit and whatever else.

In closing, we are all human beings. We all bleed red and the one thing that is for sure for all people, no matter what color, is some day we are going to die. Are we going to live our life in harmony with all people of all different ethnicities, or are we going to die slowly with all the hang-ups about life that are thrown at us? I guess it is your call. Thank you for your time.

MJ

Hello and welcome to the Journal. As you know 2005 has been a crazy year so far. A Tsunami wiped out most of Southeast Asia, the book was closed on the hockey season, and as you may have heard 14,321 times since it happened, the Pope has died. However, no one was ready for the assassination on rational thought that is taking place right now in a courthouse in sunny California. Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the Michael Jackson baby raping trial. Because no matter how you slice and dice it, that is what it is.

It is sad that someone who has power and money like Michael Jackson has completely abused it and has used it in ways that many can never dream. He invited kids to his Never Land Ranch, and lured them into a horrific nightmare fueled by alcohol, the Tele Tubbies, and a grown man sleeping with boys in bed wearing G.I. Joe Pajamas. Yes a lot of this is speculation, but if Michael wants to be known as “a boy who never grew up,” we should help paint the picture.

I find this disturbing, disgusting, and the fact Michael Jackson is standing up saying this is some kind of conspiracy makes me sick. Take some accountability and get some help. I feel that this is an instance of a man who abuses his power by shelling out millions of dollars to cover up this sick habit and makes me wonder what kind of world we live in here? What kind of world do we live in when a man can lure children, let me say that again, a man can lure children into his nest which serves as a faced as a happy place where like Chuck E’ Cheese says, where a kid can be a kid, but in reality is an orgy of illusions that bring a man who has the tendencies of a sewer rat can feast upon the scraps of the younger generation?

Is it fair to say Michael Jackson had a hard life growing up? Sure. He is another one of these stage kids who had parents who mentally abused him and made him perform numerous amounts of times so he might forget his childhood. Is he misunderstood? To a point, but this does not excuse the behavior he has been accused of engaging in. You know what, many people have been abused in this life. So have grown past that, some have not. One question I have for Michael Jackson is what the hell was wrong with Lisa Marie? She could have bared more children for him to play with.

Michael Jackson is a narcissistic jerk off. This is a very scary situation. This goes well beyond OJ and Robert Blake. This is not some case of a celebrity getting away with murder and shit like that. This is a man with lots of money and power abusing it by manipulating us the little people for their love of money and compromising it with their children. This guys walks around with a bunch of thugs protecting him when he goes to court. He has his own little fan club outside of the courthouse. Woo hoo, maybe they can go to Neverland, and Jackson can stick a plunger up their ass.

And to point out how all these people are sticking their heads out now to nail Jackson to the wall. Where were these people when the cups of Jesus Juice were going around? Where were they when the showers were taking place? Richard Roeper of the Sun Times put it best in today’s column when he said “coward or liar, there is no in between.” How could anyone let their kid sleep in the same house as Jackson, let alone their bed? After all the accusations and things that were said, how could anyone do that? It just isn’t right. If they want to use their kid as a fast paycheck from Jackson, their ass should be put on the same slab as Jackson’s.

I don’t want to sound completely judgmental or hateful here, but this is something that needs to be said. People may say that this case doesn’t affect them, but it does. It affects everyone. This is a true test of the system. Will the justice system do the right thing here, or will they sell out as they have in the past? Think about this, if Jackson can find loopholes in a case like this when the evidence is overwhelmingly against him, maybe other lawyers defending will take notes to get other child molesters off so they can make that buck. It is far out there, but we must all think outside of the box for crazy shit like this? How can any sane jury stomach what they are hearing in this trial, and then let the man out of the trick bag? One must ask the question. Does Thomas Mesereau really believe his client is innocent, or we will see him stand in line with all the other victims of the man who knows nothing about noses? Will he be able to sleep at night if Jackson walks and finds another cancer patient to take advantage of? Will he be able to look in the mirror if Jackson has a sleepover in his kingdom of joy and disillusion only to find that it wasn’t just the milk Michael was drinking? Maybe he can have a nice cup of some Jesus Juice and that may be enough to ease the sting.

MJ

Hello everyone and welcome to the Journal. I am sad the Pope died because there will be some jerk taking his position that will not be able to measure up, but note to media, will you please let it rest? It has been one week and they are still covering it like it is front-page news.

Now let’s talk about sports in Illinois. Some people who read this nice column live in Illinois. Some do not. However those of you that do know that Illinois is the most cursed place for sports. Some teams in Illinois deserve the curse; others do things to bring trouble to themselves.

Take the Fighting Illini for example. Here is the NCAA’s best team. Ranked number one in the country. They go into the tournament ranked number one. Everything is riding in their favor, but yet in the final four. They, like any other team in Chicago or Illinois, blow it. The Illini is a team who did it to themselves. I have never seen a team take so many threes in the last five minutes of a game in my life. It may have worked for them before, but that was when they were 15-20 down. They should have thought small when they finally tied North Carolina and taken twos and play some good D. But no, let’s go out there and play like glory hounds so we can get those big NBA contracts. This of course led to the demise of the team in the finals, and they only lost one game when they score over 70 points. That was to the Tarheels of UNC, and now they have lost two. The team had it in their hand, but they dropped the ball, literally. If it weren’t for that turnover, the team had a chance if they weren’t going for threes every time they went down the court.

My best example is the 1984 and 2003 Chicago Cubs. Now it brings me great pleasure to talk about this because I hate the Cubs. They are the biggest blemishes of the city of Chicago. From those two huge, huge, huge losses, to the embarrassments of Sammy Sosa, the Cubs couldn’t be more cursed than the devil himself. In 1984, during the National League Championship Series, the Cubs were up 2-0, but then San Diego fought back winning the next three games, ending the dream team of 1984. And of course my buddy Steve Bartman can tell you about the 2003 NLCS. The Cubs, who everyone was saying would be in the World Series against the Yankees had a repeat performance where they were up 3-1 in the series, but a fateful game 6, where I can’t remember the dude’s name since I don’t give a shit about the Cubs, blew a double play which could have ended the game, but the Florida Marlins came back and whooped that north side ass. Many Cub fans would have you believe that it was Bartman who caused the fall of the Cubs, but that proves the ignorance of this breed of people who do nothing but drink, whine and cry. Cub fans don’t have a clue about what a baseball team is. This will bring me to the White Sox, the better team of the two.

The Sox number one enemy has been themselves. Frank Thomas has more mood swings that Sybil in a Starbucks. This has affected the team. It is kind of like what would a crew do if their captain were drunk all the time. Eventually the ship will crash or sink. Now I am not suggesting that Thomas is an alcoholic, but when Thomas is in a bad mood, the team’s structure is not all there. This is evident by the 2000 ALCS where Thomas did not perform and the team for some reason followed suit. The Seattle Mariners swept the Sox in that series. It is not fair to put such a responsibility on one man’s shoulders, but that is how the media portrayed it. Many Cub fans revel in the fact two of the South Side’s star players Maggilo Ordonez and Carlos Lee were traded. It may be some new life this Sox team needs. We will see who has the better record at the end of the season now won’t we?

Then there’s hockey. The Blackhawks were a force to be reckoned with for a long time, but in 1992 I believe, the Pittsburgh Penguins wiped them off the map in a 4-0 Stanley Cup victory. Then the team just died. They didn’t really perform well after that and of course as many of you know, the strike just happened so no NHL season this past year. This leaves us with watching the Wolves, which is great hockey at a fair price.

The Chicago Bears had one of the greatest teams in 1985, but will they ever be able to match that? They sure fucked up Soldier Field with the space saucer slamming into it. Nevertheless the Bears, who have come a long way not being under the leadership of people like Dave Wandstedt or Dick Jauron, may be able to do some things in 2005, but I guess we’ll see.

Now Chicago has hope in one more team. They may not go all the way, but they have lifted many spirits in this city. The Bulls are destined to make the playoffs for the first time since the greatest basketball dynasty of all time kicked all forms of ass back in the 90’s. The team that John Paxson put together may not be the machine of that in the last decade, but they have the tools, talent, and desire to get there. NBA Basketball is getting exciting again, and all I can say is go Bulls go.

But the whole moral of the story is when will Illinois sports have the “we will rock you” attitude verses the “oh well, we will have to wait and see what happens this year.” Why is it every time we have the tools to rock other teams, we fail? Chicago is a city of many surprises. Michael Jordan, Walter Payton, and the fact some asshole came up with a team called the Chicago Cubs who infest the city with their crap on a daily basis called “Cub Nation.” No matter how you slice it, Chicago is the third largest city in America, and we will have champions one day. The question is when.

Thanks for reading and have yourself a nice day.

MJ

Well, well, well. Look who left the back door open up in this mother fucker. Hello kiddies. My name is Malice and I come to you direct from seventh level of hell, a.K.a. MaliceCentralDotCom. I was pleased to be informed that I will soon be in the company of one Pope John Paul II. I can only wish that some day he might be so gracious to accept a dinner invite to my oh so humble Forteresse De Le M�chancet� I have on reserve to be filled upon my passing. Why!?, you ask will the good mans’ twenty six year papacy be rewarded by being my next door neighbor in the bowels of hell for all of eternity? He’s Polish [moron]! For those of you who know who I am, you’ll know why I’m here. It seems my depiction of the writer off this site, that being “A Not So Angry White Man”, was spot on. You know I had my crack staff of researchers look up the word Foul and this is what they discovered; foul Pronunciation Key (foul) adj. foul�er, foul�est

	1.	Offensive to the senses; revolting.
	2.	Having an offensive odor; smelly.
	3.	Rotten or putrid: foul meat.
	4.
		a. Full of dirt or mud; dirty. See Synonyms at dirty.
		b. Full of impurities; polluted: foul air.
	5.	Morally detestable; wicked: foul deeds.
	6.	Of a vulgar or obscene nature: foul language.
	7.	Very disagreeable or displeasing; horrid: a foul movie.
	8.	Bad or unfavorable: in fair weather or foul.
	9.	Violating accepted standards or rules; dishonorable: used foul means to gain power.
	10.	Entangled or twisted: a foul anchor.
	11.	Archaic. Ugly; unattractive.

As odd as it might seem I didn’t happen to find a definition stating “Shitty little hand held wastes of time” or “The foundation for people who actually give a shit about Condoleezza Rice and her gap toothed ass”. You could have hit a home run with the whole Terri Schiavo thing but alas, you’ve gone softer than baby shit. I’m here to put the “Foul” back in FoulMood. May I? Let’s begin… Read the rest of this entry »

Hello friends. Welcome to the Journal. On June 9, 1999, my mother passed away. She was kept alive by machines for 11 days, and my family decided that day, it was time to end her suffering since that is the way my mother would want it. She did not want to live her life as a vegetable. I thought she might have a chance, but my family was set on the fact she was not going to come back as the woman we loved. In my heart from time to time, I wonder what if. My girlfriend says she felt my mother squeeze her hand, but she was not waking up. It is a day that is very difficult for me to talk about, and it was a day that changed the way life was forever.

Fast forward to today, a woman named Terri Schiavo, who has been in this condition for quite a while has died today. She spent 13 days off a feeding tube after her husband had it removed saying that Terri wanted it that way. Her parents fought and involved judges, which then brought in right wing conservatives fighting for the cause to keep her alive. Even while she was starving and decomposing, Florida governor Jeb Bush was interjecting himself into a matter that he had no business getting involved in.

MJ

Welcome to the Journal this week. So much to talk about in so little time so instead of tackling one issue, I am going to shoot on many different ones going on right now. This should be a fun filled read so get ready, get set, go mother fucker.

First off, what’s up with Condoleezza Rice hugging a sumo wrestler? That dude would break her in half. As a trick, maybe the Ambassador of Japan could push him over and say, “revenge for Hiroshima bitch.”

Speaking about revenge, isn’t the gun thing getting out of hand again? First Judge Joan Lefkow’s family is shot dead, then the preacher in Gurnee being gunned down during a service at a hotel in Brookfield, WI; and now this past week, a huge shootout in an Atlanta courthouse. What is up with our country? Has it come to the point we just shoot people we are mad at? So much for the moral values of the United States. By the way, most of these people were devout Christians. I think God needs to come down here and have a word with some his radical followers. No drinking, no guns, and no more court.

Michael Jackson, what a clown. What asshole comes to court in his pajamas? I know that the boy was there and he could have easy access, if you know what I mean. But really, what asshole comes to court in his pajamas?

A phenomenon known as “goatse” has taken the internet by storm, in what has become the fad from hell that just won’t die. Don’t know what goatse is? It’s a picture, go look it up, can’t miss it. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the goatse is…you must see it for yourself….

Read the rest of this entry »